Hey everyone! I'm so sorry I'm not being faithful in making this blog a weekly thing....it kind of makes the name of this blog a bit of a joke. Hahahaha!
Anyway, it's been crazy lately. I've been all over the place, and in rehearsals for a big production of The Addams Family in San Antonio. I'm excited to see how it will turn out. We've been working so hard...and it's been a really trying process. Since the beginning, it's been difficult for me to get focused because of all the things that run around in my mind.
In my spiritual life lately, I've been surrounded with nothing but hardship. None of it is my own. It's the people around me. During the Holiday season, some friends of mine lost their mother. Another family we knew lost their daughter. And right now, my grandmother is very very ill. There's been lots of family drama surrounding it. I won't go into the details, because it isn't necessary. All I can say is that it has taken a toll on every member of my immediate family; My mom, my dad, and myself.
The toll that all this drama has taken on me in the past few months is not your typical sorrow...the effects of what's been happening has taken it's root in other places in my heart. The enemy has been attacking in the same place where I've always allowed him in. That place is my self-esteem. There were days that I felt like a piece of junk. I felt absolutely no value in who I was. I felt alone. I felt that God was not hearing my multiple cries for help.
I didn't know what to do but start reading the word, even more than I had before. I found promise after promise, reminder after reminder. I was constantly seeing things that reminded me of His love, His presence in my life, and His ability to make a way for me to get through anything.
Now, the problem I face in all of this is that I have all these reminders....yet I still fail to believe in it. You know, life sucks sometimes...and sometimes it feels like God does know you, but He doesn't really like you. If He did, your life would be so much better. That is such a dangerous lie that is disguised as a truth. The way someone can detect truth from lies is that a lie, even when it feels true, it still leaves you angry or frustrated. Truth, when it stings a little, always motivates you to better yourself...and never belittle yourself.
It's amazing how God can speak to us through various avenues....when ink and paper don't work, He uses something else. For me, it's music. Before I go to sleep, I usually put on music. Recently, I had an urge to put on Amy Grant's "Lead Me On" album. That album is so special to me. It reminded me of several things that I had heard from Him before, His love, His presence, and His faithfulness. One song in particular that stands out to me in that album is a song called "All Right."
The title speaks for itself. It's all right. Whatever comes. It's all right. My favorite part of the song is the bridge, and it says:
"When will I learn, there are no guarantees?
What strengthens hope, my eyes have never seen.
But it won't be long, till the faith will be sight
And the heavens will say,
It's all right"
A very good friend of mine told me that even when I'm at my lowest low, the fact that I have God on my side is enough to know that it will be all right. Even though sometimes it may feel like He's not there, He is. When you quiet your mind and heart, you will hear Him say, "It's all right."
