I felt a little nostalgic last night and began to dig through my old picture albums. I recall so clearly every moment I captured. Here lately, I've been going through a little bit of depression. Lots of stuff in my life had taken a toll on me and has completely stole my joy. I feel like I have a huge load that I just can't give away, even though God says He'll take it. If only it felt that simple to just let it all go, but I'm learning.
As I pondered over my pictures, I remembered how happy I was...and I know that person is still there inside of me. I saw high school me, and early college me...and I look so carefree, with a beam in my eye taking life as it goes. Then, the smile disappears...I grew up. Not in a good way, I feel like. Little did I know what would happen. I'd lose friends, I'd face adversity in my church, and I'd get a harsh reality that I need to figure out where my life is going. I'd also face many obstacles in work, relationships, and family. Will this nightmare ever end? I ask myself constantly this very question.
I hear this small voice in the back of my head tell me that this will all make sense eventually. It says that I've made it through so much, and that the night never lasts forever. The more I try to find God in the midst of the darkness, the more I feel my past dwindling away. My hurt turns into compassion and forgiveness. My bitterness turns into newfound hope. My anger turns into peace. My envy turns into thankfulness.
Despite the things I've had the misfortune of going through, I can say that God has never left my side. People leave left and right because loyalty is not in the heart of this world. This world is such a self centered place. It's rare to find a loyal soul to lift you up in the times of trial. Most people want their friends to always be happy so there's no drama. What's awesome about The Lord is that He loves you no matter what version of you He's getting. He loves you when you're happy, sad, frustrated, angry, you name it. This is something that's becoming even more real to me in this trying time.
Even though I wish sometimes that things could be better, I feel so much bliss in knowing that God can use these things to help someone else. So, if you feel like you just can't win...you're not alone. While you may be unsure about lots of things, you can be sure that God has a plan for you. A very dear friend of mine told me something I will never forget. He said that God's plan for you is victory. Every day is a step toward that victory. It's not important whether you feel it or not, what matters is that you have that trust in His ultimate plan. So, with all this being said...it's time to let go of what has happened, and move ahead. Don't look back, and don't give up. Even if you feel like you've had enough, know that God is never going to leave your side. The storm will pass, that's how it always has been.
Monday, March 2, 2015
Friday, February 13, 2015
All Right
All Right:
Hey everyone! I'm so sorry I'm not being faithful in making this blog a weekly thing....it kind of makes the name of this blog a bit of a joke. Hahahaha!
Anyway, it's been crazy lately. I've been all over the place, and in rehearsals for a big production of The Addams Family in San Antonio. I'm excited to see how it will turn out. We've been working so hard...and it's been a really trying process. Since the beginning, it's been difficult for me to get focused because of all the things that run around in my mind.
In my spiritual life lately, I've been surrounded with nothing but hardship. None of it is my own. It's the people around me. During the Holiday season, some friends of mine lost their mother. Another family we knew lost their daughter. And right now, my grandmother is very very ill. There's been lots of family drama surrounding it. I won't go into the details, because it isn't necessary. All I can say is that it has taken a toll on every member of my immediate family; My mom, my dad, and myself.
The toll that all this drama has taken on me in the past few months is not your typical sorrow...the effects of what's been happening has taken it's root in other places in my heart. The enemy has been attacking in the same place where I've always allowed him in. That place is my self-esteem. There were days that I felt like a piece of junk. I felt absolutely no value in who I was. I felt alone. I felt that God was not hearing my multiple cries for help.
I didn't know what to do but start reading the word, even more than I had before. I found promise after promise, reminder after reminder. I was constantly seeing things that reminded me of His love, His presence in my life, and His ability to make a way for me to get through anything.
Now, the problem I face in all of this is that I have all these reminders....yet I still fail to believe in it. You know, life sucks sometimes...and sometimes it feels like God does know you, but He doesn't really like you. If He did, your life would be so much better. That is such a dangerous lie that is disguised as a truth. The way someone can detect truth from lies is that a lie, even when it feels true, it still leaves you angry or frustrated. Truth, when it stings a little, always motivates you to better yourself...and never belittle yourself.
It's amazing how God can speak to us through various avenues....when ink and paper don't work, He uses something else. For me, it's music. Before I go to sleep, I usually put on music. Recently, I had an urge to put on Amy Grant's "Lead Me On" album. That album is so special to me. It reminded me of several things that I had heard from Him before, His love, His presence, and His faithfulness. One song in particular that stands out to me in that album is a song called "All Right."
The title speaks for itself. It's all right. Whatever comes. It's all right. My favorite part of the song is the bridge, and it says:
"When will I learn, there are no guarantees?
What strengthens hope, my eyes have never seen.
But it won't be long, till the faith will be sight
And the heavens will say,
It's all right"
A very good friend of mine told me that even when I'm at my lowest low, the fact that I have God on my side is enough to know that it will be all right. Even though sometimes it may feel like He's not there, He is. When you quiet your mind and heart, you will hear Him say, "It's all right."
Hey everyone! I'm so sorry I'm not being faithful in making this blog a weekly thing....it kind of makes the name of this blog a bit of a joke. Hahahaha!
Anyway, it's been crazy lately. I've been all over the place, and in rehearsals for a big production of The Addams Family in San Antonio. I'm excited to see how it will turn out. We've been working so hard...and it's been a really trying process. Since the beginning, it's been difficult for me to get focused because of all the things that run around in my mind.
In my spiritual life lately, I've been surrounded with nothing but hardship. None of it is my own. It's the people around me. During the Holiday season, some friends of mine lost their mother. Another family we knew lost their daughter. And right now, my grandmother is very very ill. There's been lots of family drama surrounding it. I won't go into the details, because it isn't necessary. All I can say is that it has taken a toll on every member of my immediate family; My mom, my dad, and myself.
The toll that all this drama has taken on me in the past few months is not your typical sorrow...the effects of what's been happening has taken it's root in other places in my heart. The enemy has been attacking in the same place where I've always allowed him in. That place is my self-esteem. There were days that I felt like a piece of junk. I felt absolutely no value in who I was. I felt alone. I felt that God was not hearing my multiple cries for help.
I didn't know what to do but start reading the word, even more than I had before. I found promise after promise, reminder after reminder. I was constantly seeing things that reminded me of His love, His presence in my life, and His ability to make a way for me to get through anything.
Now, the problem I face in all of this is that I have all these reminders....yet I still fail to believe in it. You know, life sucks sometimes...and sometimes it feels like God does know you, but He doesn't really like you. If He did, your life would be so much better. That is such a dangerous lie that is disguised as a truth. The way someone can detect truth from lies is that a lie, even when it feels true, it still leaves you angry or frustrated. Truth, when it stings a little, always motivates you to better yourself...and never belittle yourself.
It's amazing how God can speak to us through various avenues....when ink and paper don't work, He uses something else. For me, it's music. Before I go to sleep, I usually put on music. Recently, I had an urge to put on Amy Grant's "Lead Me On" album. That album is so special to me. It reminded me of several things that I had heard from Him before, His love, His presence, and His faithfulness. One song in particular that stands out to me in that album is a song called "All Right."
The title speaks for itself. It's all right. Whatever comes. It's all right. My favorite part of the song is the bridge, and it says:
"When will I learn, there are no guarantees?
What strengthens hope, my eyes have never seen.
But it won't be long, till the faith will be sight
And the heavens will say,
It's all right"
A very good friend of mine told me that even when I'm at my lowest low, the fact that I have God on my side is enough to know that it will be all right. Even though sometimes it may feel like He's not there, He is. When you quiet your mind and heart, you will hear Him say, "It's all right."
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