I felt a little nostalgic last night and began to dig through my old picture albums. I recall so clearly every moment I captured. Here lately, I've been going through a little bit of depression. Lots of stuff in my life had taken a toll on me and has completely stole my joy. I feel like I have a huge load that I just can't give away, even though God says He'll take it. If only it felt that simple to just let it all go, but I'm learning.
As I pondered over my pictures, I remembered how happy I was...and I know that person is still there inside of me. I saw high school me, and early college me...and I look so carefree, with a beam in my eye taking life as it goes. Then, the smile disappears...I grew up. Not in a good way, I feel like. Little did I know what would happen. I'd lose friends, I'd face adversity in my church, and I'd get a harsh reality that I need to figure out where my life is going. I'd also face many obstacles in work, relationships, and family. Will this nightmare ever end? I ask myself constantly this very question.
I hear this small voice in the back of my head tell me that this will all make sense eventually. It says that I've made it through so much, and that the night never lasts forever. The more I try to find God in the midst of the darkness, the more I feel my past dwindling away. My hurt turns into compassion and forgiveness. My bitterness turns into newfound hope. My anger turns into peace. My envy turns into thankfulness.
Despite the things I've had the misfortune of going through, I can say that God has never left my side. People leave left and right because loyalty is not in the heart of this world. This world is such a self centered place. It's rare to find a loyal soul to lift you up in the times of trial. Most people want their friends to always be happy so there's no drama. What's awesome about The Lord is that He loves you no matter what version of you He's getting. He loves you when you're happy, sad, frustrated, angry, you name it. This is something that's becoming even more real to me in this trying time.
Even though I wish sometimes that things could be better, I feel so much bliss in knowing that God can use these things to help someone else. So, if you feel like you just can't win...you're not alone. While you may be unsure about lots of things, you can be sure that God has a plan for you. A very dear friend of mine told me something I will never forget. He said that God's plan for you is victory. Every day is a step toward that victory. It's not important whether you feel it or not, what matters is that you have that trust in His ultimate plan. So, with all this being said...it's time to let go of what has happened, and move ahead. Don't look back, and don't give up. Even if you feel like you've had enough, know that God is never going to leave your side. The storm will pass, that's how it always has been.
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